ages and age

It's been ages since i've gone on this blog, since i've written, and since i've wanted to write or express thoughts. Looking back at old posts I regret that I stopped for whatever reason that was. I like writing best when I'm going through a messy time of my life. Mid-life-crisis mode right now, but I'm totally fine with it. I discuss how Los Angeles makes me feel more alive then I ever feel to the people closest to me. They never get it. You can only get it if you have the same feeling. It's a city where you can get put down every god damn day rather your doing it to yourself, or the people surrounding you are doing it. For me, it's both.
I hate that I judge myself and I hate that I judge others even more. I'm glad at least that I can admit it. I never have so much until I moved here. It's a trait you pick up on so easily and a lot of the times, people don't realize it, usually then it gets ugly. You always crave more in this city, more within a sensation of satisfaction, then it dies out, and it's not fulfilling so you think you need more. I feel it also, but yet get confused and frustrated because I don't know what that "more" is. Or how to get to it. Currently sitting on my couch, a glass of wine deep, feeling great that I have what I have now, and the people I have met and whom I have yet to meet, and the opportunities i've had and also have yet to have, is satisfying enough. For the time being. I've truly realized that thinking you need to have all your shit together in your early twenties is something that will make you the most unhappy, and to let that go.